Dear Dodger, Love Booktease
by SomewhereBeyondReality
Summary: After their first kiss, she didn't send the letter. After their last kiss, she does. The unseen correspondence between Rory and Jess in Season 6 & 7, after their parting in 'The Real Paul Anka'. Because, really, those two could never untangle themselves.
1. Rory

_Dear Dodger (Should I still call you that?) _

_I've rewritten this email 11.5 times now and its two months too late so I'm just going to babble. Gilmore's good at that aren't they?_

_Firstly: I'm sorry about what happened at Truncheon. You're right; you don't deserve to be used like that. And you don't deserve the flimsy excuses I gave you. _

_After everything we've been through you should at least get a proper explanation. _

_It's not that I lied to you but I never __**really **__told you why I left because – like everything to do with 'you and me' – the logic is pretty twisted. _

_It's kind of ironic really: after our first kiss I ran, after our last kiss you ran and now we seem to have come full circle. (Oh screw it I'm procrastinating, succinctness was always more your thing). _

_But in a way I suppose our past kisses __**are **__connected to why I left. _

_When we first got together back in High School the situation was a mess: what with me cheating on Dean and then the whole town watching us. Honestly neither of us was ready were we? The timing wasn't right. _

_I don't want to repeat that. I've screwed up a lot and this time I want to do what's right. (That's why I'm writing instead of ignoring you like I did that summer)._

_I __**do **__love Logan and I believe we've got something worth fighting for. I'll always care about you Jess, I realized that a long time ago, but I don't want to give up on Logan like I gave up on Dean and run to you again. _

_I don't want you to be my Christopher. _

_I've seen it with Mom a thousand times: whenever she gets attached to a guy and things are looking serious she always ends up running back to Dad for one reason or another. (I'm still kind of terrified it will happen with Luke too but that's a different subject). _

_You're better than that Jess and I'm not going to let you become like that. _

_If I __**did **__lie to you, it was when I said 'everything's fixed': I've sorted out a lot of stuff thanks to you. (Yale, Mom, the DAR) but I've still got a long way to go even if no one else can tell. _

_When you ran away from Stars Hollow before I was angry at you but now I think I get it: you had a lot to get out of your system and sort out. In hindsight you needed to go– no matter how much it hurt at the time. And now it's my turn_ _to get my life back together. I hope you of all people can understand that. (Who am I kidding? Of course you can understand that – you weren't wrong when you said you know me better than anybody). _

_So I guess what I'm asking is can we be friends again? It's what we were best at and I'd hate to leave it where we did last time._

_If you don't want to that's fine. I'm not going to be angry; you have every right to ignore this email or send me back some 'DIE JERK' message. (Though it won't be the first time I've got one actually). I know I treated you like crap and you'd be totally within your right to hate me. _

_But I hope you don't._

_**Rory**_

_P.S – I never got a chance to tell you how proud I am. You've done so much Jess so if this is the last contact we have I want you to know how happy that makes me. _


	2. Jess

_**Book Tease,**_

_Yeah, I get it. (Not just the life-fixing stuff but everything else too). _

_And yeah: friends sound good. I'm not pretending to like the Blonde Dick but we can get by without mentioning him. _

_By the way, I was reading _The Sun Also Rises _the other day. Have you rethought your misguided opinion of Hemingway yet?_

_**Dodger **__(What else would you call me?)_

_P.S: You thought I'd stoop to DIE JERK? Give me more credit than that. And what's this about a hate message?_


	3. Rory & Jess

_Hey, I'll get back to you on Wild Swans: it takes a while to get through. Have you talked to Luke recently? _

_**Rory**_

What's with the lack of syllables? Normally your emails are a page long, did you have a Diner Boy dictionary transplanted into your mind?

And no, I haven't talked to Luke in a week or two. Why?

_**Jess**_

_That was quick; I didn't think you'd be online. It's kind of late. _

_**Rory**_

Burning the midnight oil, I've heard genius's work that way. What's happened to Luke?

_- __**J**_

_He and Mom just broke up – __**R**_

Shit._ – __**J**_

_Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction. _

What the hell happened?

_I'm not totally sure. Things have been rocky with them for ages with Mom not being able to hang around April and everything. Do you know about that? _

Yeah, Luke filled me in: Anna got worried about Lorelai screwing with April's life?

_Yeah, that's about it. I know Mom's been really unhappy with the whole situation but she just hasn't __**said **__anything and of course Luke isn't the most perceptive of guys. The other night she just snapped. She exploded all over him and demanded to elope or something along those lines._

I can see where this is going.

_So there was this massive fight and Mom basically took it as: "He doesn't want to be with me anymore"._

What the hell? Luke's been obsessed with her for as long as I can remember. It's one step away from pathetic.

Actually scratch that – it _is _pathetic.

_It gets worse. Remember I told you about my Mum's habit of running back to my dad? _

Yeah...?

_She slept with him a couple of hours after her break up with Luke. _

Oh jeez.

_Then of course Luke turned up the next day: car packed, ready to elope and..._

I get the picture.

_I didn't say it was a nice story._

You sound angry.

_Angry doesn't even begin to cover it. I haven't been __**this **__pissed off since Lane started cheerleading. How could she do this? _

What? Cheerleading?

_I can go and check other emails you know. _

Sorry. Resume the rant.

_I mean she loves Luke. Like you said, he's crazy about her. They're great together and she's been so happy with him. I've never seen her as happy with any other guy. _

I believe you.

_I know the April thing screwed things up but I thought she was in for the long haul. Being mature, working through things. I thought Luke was worth it. He's always been around: even when I was younger and we didn't know him that well, he still came to my caterpillar's funeral and gave me birthday presents and let me do my homework in the diner when Mom was busy. He was good for us you know? _

Luke's good for everyone. I know that firsthand.

_I mean, it's not that I don't love my Dad or anything, I __**do **__but he's not like Luke. You can't depend on him. I used to think he'd get it together eventually but he won't. I know Mom still hopes so but you can't trust him like that – you'll only get let down. _

Unlike Luke.

_Yeah. I guess he's always been more of a Dad to me than Chris ever was and I just wanted to get that happy family. Ignore me, it's stupid._

It's not stupid: Every kid with single parents wants that.

_Did you?_

When I was young and naive.

_And when exactly were __**you **__naive? _

While I was in diapers. Going potty really illuminated the real world for me.

_Right, ok then. But you're saying I'm __**still**__ naive? (And on par with a two year old bed wetter)._

No. Well, kind of. (Not the bed wetting part, I hope). But you're hopeful. A romantic.

_A romantic? Really Jess?_

Yeah. And that's ok. We need some romantic idealism in the world. And besides, your Mom's isn't as screwed up as mine; she kept her love life separate from you: Liz didn't.

_She didn't?_

No.

_Meaning?_

Can we not talk about this? What happened to the Luke and Lorelai conversation? I liked that one.

_We can go back in a minute, I need a distraction. _

Go play with Lane's pom poms.

_I'm waiting. _

You know I'd forgotten how stubborn you are.

_It's a Gilmore trait. _

Obviously.

_I'll take that as a compliment. Now, what do you mean Liz didn't keep her love life separate from you?_

Oh god here we go. I mean that Liz brought home husbands, boyfriends and one night stands who would hang out in one of our crappy apartments, spend all our money on drugs and booze and then vanish into the night.

_Oh._

Sometimes taking all our stuff and remaining money with them, leading us to move to an even crappier apartment. Occasionally we'd even get a charmer who

_Jess? Are you still there?_

I'm still here.

_A charmer who'd what?_

Can we leave this subject now?

_Ok. Sorry._

It's not your fault.

...

Fuck it; I suppose I'd better try at this whole honesty thing.

_?_

Some of them...some of them got pretty violent before they left. Happy now?

_They hit you?_

Yeah.

_I, um don't know what to say. _

Smooth Gilmore. But relax, it was only a couple and Liz usually threw them out, she had **some **maternal instincts. Most yelled a lot but didn't actually do anything. It happened two, maybe three times. No biggie.

_I feel like I should say sorry right now, except you'd probably get pissed off because it would sound like pity._

Plus the concept of saying sorry when it isn't your fault always seemed stupid to me.

_Yeah but...I feel like I should have known._

I didn't want you to know. Everyone thought I was screwed up enough without giving details.

_You're not screwed up._

Thanks. But coming back to the real conversation: Lizhas got her happy family now.

_Unlike Mom and Luke._

Give it time. After years of playing Labrador I don't think Luke's going to let Lorelai go easily.

_Thanks. I just hope they can work it out._

They will, don't worry you'll get your happy family eventually.

_After everything you just said – why are you the one comforting me? _

Because I'm a naturally sensitive and touchy-feely guy.

_Sure you are. _

You're welcome. Anyway, I'd better go: its kind of late, it would have been a lot quicker to do this by phone.

_If we ever dare to exchange numbers._

Oh yeah, that unspoken rule. Well, bye.

_Bye. Oh, and Jess, _

Yeah?

_Thanks . _

You're welcome. Goodnight Rory.

_Good night Dodger. _


End file.
